Friday, March 23, 2007

Happy Birthday Dear Danny!

It is official. I am old. Danny informed me (not to long ago), "Mom, you have been a mom for almost a decade!" Thanks bud..i love you too! lol..Seriously. Today is Danny's tenth birthday. How cool is that? How cool is it to be 10? Danny is such an amazing person. He has a good heart, a smart brain, and a way about him that makes you want to sit down with him and talk to him for hours. He says some of the wackiest, weirdist things. But he is my little weirdo, and on this day I want to tell him I hope everyone of his dreams and wishes come true, because even though I was young when I wished for him, he has made all my wishes come true. I love you big guy.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Seizures, Ambulance rides, and birthday girls...
Yep..that was my night last night. Danny came home from school yesterday with a high fever yesterday..didn't really think anything of it. We have had fevers before, i thought it was just a virus and he would be all better in a few hours. Boy was I wrong. Last night at about 11:oo he woke up, went to the bathroom, fell two times so dad helped him and then put him in bed. About 10 minutes later, we heard "I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!!" we jumped up, turned on our bedroom light, and saw him in a full blown petite mal seizure. I have never been so scared in my entire life. I can't describe how it feels to see your child seriously ill, and not be able to help. So..we got to take an ambulance ride to Children's Hospital. Something I really do not ever want to do again! lol..He is home now. He has the influenza that has been going around, and he is reading his new dragon book, sitting in his new jammies, and mom is praying he will rest. I know this is not really going to happen, because MISS RILES turned FOUR today. So she is SOOOO excited about her gift..a dora magical castle, and a huge dragon fly balloon. Hopefully we will still be able to have their birthday party this saturday. Hopefully miss riles will not get this bug, because Chris and I leave next Friday for our trip!
Peaceful dreams,

Monday, March 19, 2007

Riley Turns 4 (FOUR!)

Riley will turn 4 (FOUR) tomorrow! How exciting, and incredibly sad for me. I love the new stages she is in right now(granted, I would LOVE if she would outgrow some of them!). However, her birthday is bittersweet. It reminds me I won't hold a newborn that is my own again, or cuddle up with sweet baby breath on my neck. It reminds me that time moves entirely too fast, and i need to enjoy my children as much as i can. It reminds me I need to make sure I do the things I want with them NOW, not tomorrow, because sometimes, tomorrow doesn't come.

Happy Birthday Miss Riles. I love you sweet girl!


Sunday, March 18, 2007

J.J. turns one...
My great-nephew Josh Jr.(it always makes me feel so old to type or say that!) turned one yesterday. Riles and I went to help him celebrate. He is such a cute little guy. It always amazes me at how great my nieces and nephews are as parents. The rotten stinkers that they were, are now amazing parents. I now have (umm...let me count them) i think ELEVEN great nieces and nephews. Anyay, Josh is such a happy lil guy and I am so lucky to get to see him everyday when i drop Riles off at daycare. Here are some pics of the special day.


Sunday, March 11, 2007

At what cost?
I am trying to let go of negativity in my life. It is not healthy. I cannot carry these burdens with me forever. However, I feel part of me, or my purpose, will be forgotten if I let go. If I let go of the hate I feel towards the town, well mostly school district, of where I grew up? If I let go of the anger, hurt, and hatred I feel for my first husband(i mean, come on, it has been almost 10 years). What will it cost me to let go of these things? Does this anger define who I am? Does it make me, me? Will I no longer have a purpose in life? What will this cost me? What? Some one please tell me...of course I have another question.. What will it cost me if I don't?

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

I remember...
My niece, Karen, posted about watching a documentary on the drug Meth. She posted how this program researched and discovered that once this drug chooses a victim (or should I say victim chooses a drug, anyway) that only 6% of recovering addicts fully recover. How sad. How sad for the families of these people. How sad for the lives that are disrupted. Unfortunately, I remember. I remember watching someone I used to (think) I loved throw his family, and life down the drain..all for this drug. The surprising thing about this statistic (Troy) ..he came from a good (i won't say stable) home, is fairly intelligent, and parents are still married. This drug knows no race, sex, age, or clas. This drug is nasty. It makes the user very violent and unsatisfied. They will do ANYTHING to get another hit. Unfortunately, it used to be fairly easy to acquire the ingredients used to make it. In a farming community, it is relatively simple. I remember the fear I had for the safety and well being of my son, and myself. Why did I stay? I stayed because I didn't want to be a statistic, I thought I could change him, and I actually believed the things he said to me. I constantly heard I was no one would love me. I was stupid, I was fat, I wasn't a good mother. I was told I would never make anything of myself, and I wouldn't survive without him. I felt I had no one to turn to. At that time I wasn't very close to my sisters, or brothers for that matter. I felt I was truly alone. Until I called Dianne at work one day, and she said to pack danny up, and come on over. So I did. and ..guess what? I did make something of myself, I am a good (at least decent) mother, I finished my teaching degree, and am happily married to a wonderful person. and guess where he is...still hooked on this drug. Almost ten years later. He has 2 more children(who live with his mother). How sad to see a life who could have great promise (all he needed to do was apply himself, he could have had any occupation he wanted)...but instead, he made the choice to dance with the devil?
And Now..ten years later..
My greatest fear I have how to educate my children (one of them being his son) on the dangers of drug use. How do I educate them on how peer pressure will feel, and it IS Ok to sayNO! The friends who would use, are the friends to lose? a society like ours, HOW can I help them say NO?

Friday, March 02, 2007

Sometimes, I wonder and ask why?
I just discovered the wonderful song "I wonder" by Kellie Pickler. Kelli was a contestant on American Idol last year, and did pretty well. The song "I wonder" is about her mother. Her mother left her with her father when she was just a toddler and had very little contact with her after that. question is..
How can a mother (or father) walk away from a child? How can anyone be content with NEVER seeing their child again, or seeing their child every other weekend. ME..I couldn't live without my children and the chaos they provide. I love them. Sometimes, they are hard to like..but I love them. I always want them here, right here, with me. I know people who don't care. They don't care if their kids are provided's an ALL ABOUT ME game with them. Poor, pitiful, me, and you know what? That sucks for these kids. These kids are left wondering, "what did I do wrong? How can I be better? How can I change what was wrong?" When in all honesty..the fault/weakness lies with the adult. I just can't believe how irresponsible parents are these days. Oh some people will say "I have to give so and so credit, because at least they know they can't provide for the child." Ya know what? It still doesn't make it easier for a child to accept the hurt, anger, and pain of knowing you aren't wanted.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Got Snow??
Wow...we are in the middle of an almost blizzard. I live down the road from my mother and father in law..i can stand on my front porch and see their house. Here is a picture I took standing on my front porch looking at their house. We don't even live a 1/4 of a mile away from each other..It started snowing here at 6:00 a.m. It is now 9 a.m. and here is how much snow we had at 8:45 a.m. (2nd pic). It isn't supposed to stop until this afternoon. Needless to say, we have a snow day. YEEHAW! (Maybe i shouldn't have prayed to the snow gods quite so hard??)
ETA: The 3rd pic is how much snow we have as of 3:47 p.m. Wahoo!! We have another snow day tomorrow! (I guess I won't be saying that when we have to go to school until May 25 (instead of May 22nd). Oh well...gotta love the Midwest!

have a great day!