Sunday, April 06, 2008

my heavy heart..
lots of things going through my mind today. lots of questions, lots of negative thoughts. I try to see the good in people, I really do.
I must, must, MUST, give my hubby a HUGE thank you. He helped me move a friend today with only a 15 year old to help him move heavy furniture down 2 1/2 flights of stairs. I am so thankful for him. So very glad he was there to help. On a negative, dark gloomy side of my life...I am questioning so called friendships today. Have you ever helped (or done something for someone) and it wasn't good enough for them, or up to their "expectations?" I have. (didn't claim to be a professional at it either) It sucks. It helps me realize my effort wasn't appreciated, and helps me realize next time, I won't bother. I hate to feel that way.
I believe in this world we are here to help others, help without expecting something in return. So, what I found out by reading what another has written, and listening to them criticize, next time, I won't bother. I know this doesn't make sense, maybe it isn't supposed too, but next time..I won't bother.
Have I told you, dear readers, that I am part of a big family? I am. I am the youngest of eight. There are 5 girls and 3 boys. For the most part, we get along well, we like to go to the river (I only visit, others camp), get together for children's birthdays, holidays, and we use to get together on Friday nights, just because we could. We don't do that anymore, (or if they do, I don't know about it). We used to call each other, and say hey.."let's take the kids and go____________" we don't do that anymore either. I feel like an era has ended..maybe with warmer weather coming and camping season upon us, things will change. i miss them.
love n luck


grandmacarnes said...

WOW, sis, so sorry you are having such a heavy heart. If it something I did, I am sorry, I won't do it again. I don't know who you tried to help, or their lack of appreciation, but it makes me sad. I want to call you on my way in tomorrow, I will.

I had sad news today, my beloved friend is going to lose her battle with cancer, it makes me realize the pettiness of all this is ridiculous. You never know when your days here are going to end. We should treat each other like the precious commodity that we are, but that is not always the case. Sometimes it is easier to walk away than to spend what little time and energy we have left fighting or nitpicking.

supermom said...

sorry you are having a bad time. it is very hard sometimes to hold your chin up when you are not appreciated. i know how you feel. i used to be the type that would run and help most anyone, if not lend a listening ear to their problems. i grew a really cold heart hear recently and tried to not be so kind and helping to others. because a. it wasn't appreciated b. there was rarely a thank you and c. i never got the kind hearted feelings back. so, i have spent an extremely long time having a cold heart. not the same kind, loving, caring person i was a loong time ago.

it is not a fun way to live. i have slowly started to be caring again. and, it feels better. but, i know who appreciates it and who doesn't.

hope you can work through it and come to peace with what is bothering you.