My Wish...


I had a moment today. A moment where I realized, yet again, I couldn't just simply "go ask my Dad" a question. Even after almost 8 years, these things sneak up on me and bring on the tears. Something as simple as an old family recipe, something that wasn't written down, brings on the melancholy.
It makes me wish I would have had the foresight to ask him questions and have him write his stories down. It doesn't matter if I had heard them all a thousand times before, I will never hear them again. What brought this on? My sisters have been talking about my Grandma Coates' recipes for baked mac and cheese and her baking powder biscuits (which is something I cannot make, no matter how many times I try). My dad was an only child. There isn't anyone to ask these questions. No one to give the answers.
I miss my dad today.
whimp

Saying Thank You, isn't enough...
The kiddos and I went to see The Wall That Heals, the traveling Vietnam Wall exhibit. It was one of the most humbling experiences of my life. I hope my children understand the significance of those names and what they represent. I hope they understand Freedom isn't free.
Thank you to all who have fought, or are fighting for our freedom. The sacrifices you and your family make are honored and appreciated in our home.
Peace,
whimp

(Blackie's Cousin, he was just 21 years old.)

Foodie...
That is what I am becoming. I love to watch the Food Network, Cooking Channel, and my new favorite love is to read food blogs. My new favorite: Mennonite Girls Can Cook.
whimp

Excitement:
So incredibly excited for tomorrow. The sisters and I are going to see WICKED! I saw it last year (from the nose bleed section) and it was phenomenal, so I can't wait to see it tomorrow (from the orchestra floor), with some of my favorite people. My sister Dianne absolutely loves the Wizard of Oz, (and so do both of her grandbabies) and I think I am more excited to see her reaction to it than to see the show!  :) 
I will be sure to blog a follow-up post
wendy

 

My Heavy Heart....

Today my hubby, Danno, and I made a journey up north so Danny could visit Troy. In prison. It was the most difficult decision (and journey) I have ever made as a parent. Danny came to me approximately 2 years ago, when Troy sent him a birthday card. He was almost livid. His comment to me was something like this "Why does he think it's ok he calls me son, or send me a birthday card? Why NOW? How come I wasn't good enough to be his son when I was 6, or 10? Why am I only good enough when he goes to jail?I don't understand. What's wrong with me when he isn't in jail"
I had to look into that face, a face who lights up a room with one smile, and say "I don't have the answers you need. Unfortunately, the only person who has them is Troy. Those are questions you have to ask him. I'm sorry I can't give you the answers you need." Danny's response was "Then let's go. I want to talk to him. I want to see his face." So, we applied for a visitor's pass to take Danno to see him.
Danny was denied.
So, this past February we applied again. He was denied for the second time.
I had to apply for an appeal to the warden for Danny to be approved. Troy had completed the classes for Danny to visit by then. Danny was approved in March.

So, today I watched my son climb into our van and anxiously ride for 3.5 hours to seek the answers he so desparately needed. The only thing is, he didn't ask them. This time. He said "I want to get to know him, before I ask him why." My heart broke today as I sat and watched a grown man, and a tenderhearted boy  try to forge a relationship. A relationship that should have been forged long ago. I was young, so was he. We created a child, and unfortunately it is he who paid the price. Not me. Not Troy. Danny. As I sat there and watched them learn to communicate, I felt a range of emotions. I felt guilty, angry, and hopeful.
GUILTY, because I don't think I have ever seen my son happier. Angry for the circumstances I put him in. No, I didn't deny Troy visitation. He was the one who chose not to have contact, but being young I made decisions that impacted his life. Would I do it all over again, absolutely. Have you met my son? He is splendidly awesome. :)  Hopeful, because I see a man who is wiser, and I believe just as hopeful.

Happy Birthday to my kiddos!
Both kiddos celebrated birthdays this week. Riles on Sunday and Danny today. We somewhat celebrated by going to the car show on Sunday, and we will have their birthday bowling party on Saturday. They loved the car show, especially watching the BMX bike stunt team perform. I just know I will be seeing riles and dude making ramps this summer. :) I cannot wait for summer vacation, nice warm and lazy days listening to the kiddos fight, going places and experiencing new things. Angela and I are planning on taking our kiddos back to KC this summer. One definite stop will be the Trex cafe. I can't wait.
I scrap with the girls in April, and look forward to that. We haven't been anywhere or scrapped together in a while. So long, in fact I was worried if we were still friends! Here are some pictures of the kiddos this past weekend.
Enjoy
whimp

Updates on us...
not a lot to report on us. The kiddos will turn a year older (each) towards the end of the month. We are trying to plan a party that works for both of them. It is hard when there is such an age gap between them. Danny is doing well in school this year. The maturity and responsibility he has gained is amazing. Riles is still Riles. She loves school and enjoys learning. She is excited to change schools next year and be able to play with her friends in town after school. Danny...not so excited; however, once the school year gets started and he meets some new friends, I bet his outlook on it will change. I hope so. Chris and I have decided if he does not adjust well we can always change him back. He will be studying for his permit soon. I cannot believe he is old enough for this. The years have flown so fast.
I am looking forward to spring break and winding down of the school year. As I look back on the class from this year, I can see how much we have grown. Me as a teacher, and them as individuals. I will miss this class. Some of them, I have had for 2 years. Others I wish I had more time with, time to help them become more successful, and to cherish them a little longer. Sometimes, it breaks my heart to see them go on.
Happy Saturday.
whimp

Ponderings of a young mind...
Tonight, as Riles and I were finishing the last touches on dinner (Chicken Alfredo), she said this to me. "I don't want to die. I'm scared to die." Me: "What brings this up for us to talk about big girl?" Riles (as tears fill those big, beautiful brown eyes) said "I've just been thinking about it. If I die, I have to grow up and leave here. I don't want to leave here. I want to be here with you and dad." Me: (who happens to be bawling at this time) said "Oh Riles, death isn't something to fear. You get to live with Jesus in his  garden. You would get to see Grandpa Coates and Haddie. ("and Buddy!" she says), and sit on Jesus's lap or at his table and visit with him. The sun would shine everyday, and I bet rainbows appear too. Death is another step to living. We can't all live forever."  Riles: "I just don't want to die. It scares me to bad." She then gave me the biggest bear hug and wouldn't let go. So, what do I say to her to calm her fears? She said she has been thinking about it "a lot on my mind lately." I don't know how to help her "get it off her mind."
whimp

And the Wiener is...
Riles! Yep..she matched the dates to the puzzle game and got a wienie whistle (and they were so nice they gave her another one for Danny :)
We went to the dreaded W place today and lo and behold..there it sat. Now, I don't know if you know this faithful readers (all 3 of you), but I have secretly LOVED the wienie mobile all my life. *I* bought the hotwheel many years before I had children, and then found another one at a garage sale, score! I giggle everytime I see it. I know, it's right up there with my love for all things Sesame Street (which is the new cricut cartridge I just bought).
Here are the pictures of Miss Riles with the wieniemobile. (Danny didn't go: 1. He loathes grocering (as he used to call it), and 2. it wasn't supposed to be there until tomorrow, which is when we were going to make a drive specifically to see it.
Have a bunderful day!

whimp

picture courtesy of foodiewithfamily.

Merry Christmas to all and to all...
hot chocolate on a stick? (complete with homemade marshmallows)

I found this recipe on the two peas message board. Riles and I are going to make them for her teacher, the principal, and Pam (secretary). I figured I would put them in a cute mug I saw at Michaels and voila..fabulous gift. Now, how many should I include? I was thinking six..

Recipe can be found here

Crazy Kiddos...
The kids are going crazy lol. We have been busy, busy, busy. Keeping Riles busy during the winter is a high priority. This child has so much energy and is constantly on the move. She is active and loves to play in sports. Danny on the other hand is so easy going and is content to just lay around. I wanted to get them both involved in something ongoing, not just a seasonal sport. So we signed them up for Tae Kwon Do. I have never seen a happier child than Danny. The absolute delight and joy I see on his face at practice makes me wish I had done it sooner. I giggle every time I see Riles' stubby little body trying to do her kicks. She is not very coordinated, but gives it 110%! (She is also in girl scouts and basketball.) As soon as I take some pics of karate I will post them. :)
Meanwhile, here are some pics of Riles directing "traffic" on the road in front of our house. (Remember, it is a private lane and we can see up and down the lane)
whimp

Finally, it's Fall..
and that means it is time for Vala's Pumpkin Patch. We haven't been to Vala's since 2005. FIVE years! So, yesterday Danny, Riles and I spent the day together exploring all the attractions new and old. We had an amazing time. For once, I let them navigate where we were going and what activities to do. It was stress free and fun for all of us. We didn't have an agenda or time limit; however, after 4.5 hours we were done, physically and mentally. They were tired, the crowds were getting heavier, and they wanted to buy their pumpkins. I took pictures sporadically, mostly of Riles (for some reason, Danny has developed an aversion to the camera..wonder why?). The highlight of the day? Eating the huge turkey legs and mining for gemstones.
Soon, I hope to get our family pictures taken while the leaves are still ON the trees and beautiful in color. I love this time of year, the leaves changing, the crisp, cool mornings, watching the kiddos exhale heavily, just to see their breath in the cold. Most of all, I love the excitement of hot cocoa on the way to school, comfort foods baked in the oven, and the anticipation of family holidays and time spent with our loved ones. I love this time of year.
Here are some pictures of the fun we had. :)

whimp

A boy, a girl, and a love for music....
My kiddos Loooove music. All types. Be it country, rap, hard rock, heavy metal, new age, and Kid's bop...they love and listen to it all. It has been amazing to watch this fascination grow. Yesterday, Riles "reminded" me the new Zac Brown Band cd was being released. So, being the "good" mom I am, I stopped and picked up the cd for her and one (from a different artist) for Danno. It was (kinda) quiet in our house for at least 30 minutes while they listened to their new "tunes" with head phones. I love how diverse their interests are.
whimp

Last trip of Summer 2010...

The kiddos, Angela and her son Randy, and I all loaded in Angie's van and went to Kansas City the first week in August. We had originally planned to see some museums in St. Joe, but discovered some were closed due to remodeling. In impromptu fashion, we drove to Kansas City to visit the WWI museum. However, we got sidetracked at Union Station. They have the BEST science/children's museum. Chris and I are planning a trip in October to take the kiddos again.

Here are some pictures of the fun we had. :)

Enjoy.

whimp

(crime lab) (Dinsoaurs Unearthed) (tree house in Science City) (music area)

Cards

New cards...just been playing and using up some scraps. Enjoy!

wendy

scrapift back of CK jul/aug 2010

(happy face card scraplifted from a blog..sorry! don't remember who)

whew...just found the blog i lifted the happy face card from..lol.. www.beecraftee.com

Ponderings from my scattered mind...
why do you think relationships and friendships deteriorate? I know these relationships need nurturing. I try. I really do. I don't always have the time, energy or money to participate in activities, parties, or weekends away. It doesn't mean I don't want to participate or spend time with my family or friends or nurture these relationships. Sometimes it would be nice to just hear "hey come over for a cup of coffee and visit with me for awhile." I know in my relationships with people, I could be a better wife, mother, aunt, sister, and friend. As I have said before it is something I am working on. I am a work in progress. Please be patient with me as I try to become the person I dream I can be.
wendy

We went to the beach....

this past Monday, Danny, Dude, Riles and I hopped into the car, bought the essential "beach" items at Dollar Tree..(thank goodness for $1 trees!) and headed to Lake Manawa Beach. We were there for 3.5 hours and the kids were in the water the entire time! They loved it. We got some sunburn, not too bad, and made some great memories.

whimp

The Seizure

It is 3:58 a.m. and all I hear is a blood curdling "Ahhhhhh, Ahhhhhh, Ahhhh, " and then he is silent. I jump out of bed, saying "danny, danny what is wrong?" as I hurry down the hall, through the dining room, and into his bedroom. I see him, lying on his bed, gasping for breath as his body seizes. I try to stay calm, calling to Chris "He's seizing." He asks me "do you want me to call the squad?" I say "No, he will come out of it." All the while, thinking to myself, "OMG this is taking to long..will he come out of it?" He slowly starts to take deeper breaths and his body starts to relax. He makes moaning noises now, and slowly tries to raise his head. I rub his arms and legs, talking to him the whole time. Telling him how brave he is and he will be fine. I always talk to him while he is having one. I want him to know I am there. I don't know if he hears me, but I just want him to feel safe. It is 4:00 a.m.

After about 5 minutes he looks at me and can talk again. He is weak. He needs help scooting up in bed and asks for a drink. He asks me to wipe his face and "can I have a hug?" It takes awhile for him to gain his strength and he then moves to the couch. "Can we rent a movie? I want to watch Percy Jackson." "I'm hungry now." So it begins. A new day. Just as we were getting too comfortable with his seizures being controlled, it sneaks back up and makes us aware.

Makes me aware how very much I love this boy.

whimp

The Riles' Express...

This bike. This tree. This place. This time. It's special. Special to a little girl who dreams of being a "fiderfider" (fire fighter) and growing up to help people. "I just want to help people, mom."

This bike takes her places. Places in space, far away lands, and to her very best friend's in the whole wide world, Grandma Pat's.

At least three times a day, I cannot find her. I hear her call "I'm gonna go ride my bike, ok?" and then she disappears. Disappears to a place where ice cream before dinner doesn't matter, a place where someone is willing to put everything aside and give her their undivided attention, a place where tea parties are held, pretend fires are put out by the fire truck (it's ladder goes up, it's soo cool!) and a place where being 7 and asking a million questions is simply ok.

All of these things happen at home, too, just not as often as she would like them too.

This place

is magical.